Grown Up Girl Lost

{August 12, 2010}   Interesting facts you may learn about yourself or others when you leave your husband.

Interesting Fact Number One

 Most people will think your husband is a dick for leaving you.  Clearly you are awesome and only a moron would let such hotness go.  Oh, and he left you for someone hotter.  Hotter and younger.


Interesting Fact Number Two

Most people will become eerily silent when you explain that you left him.  Most people will stare off into space, and leave you wondering if now they are wondering if you are the dick….and not him.  Don’t worry, it’s him.


Interesting Fact Number 3.

  Prepare to be a cougar.  According to your friends, bad marriage equals bad sex, and surely post divorce, you must be gagging for it.  Don’t bother trying to pretend you’re just being pleasant to that young guy at the post office  who’s wearing a hoodie and riding a skate board.  You want him.   Bad teenage moustache and all.


Interesting Fact Number 4. 

You will not know how to do stuff.  Change the oil in the car.  Work out what that squeaking, splinking sound is under the bonnet.  Move the refrigerator.  Hook up the washing machine.  All skills requiring a set of testicles.  Which you do not have, despite what your ex might say. 


Interesting Fact Number 5. 

 You will forget stuff.  All the time.  Things that a male brain might remember.  Things like, putting the bins out,  or wrapping up the garden hose so that the giant dog that you somehow inherited in the separation won’t eat it and then require an emergency hoser-ectomy at midnight costing you $3000 and expending every swear word you have ever used and some you just made up!  (Not that I’m bitter or nothing…shut up! )


 Interesting Fact Number 6. 

You are the bad guy.  Half the people you ‘used’ to know, now think this.  They hate you and think you are a selfish, selfish person for wanting to be happy, when the rest of the married world is suffering in silence.


Interesting Fact Number 7. 

You won’t care what they think.


 Where-ever you are in your life.  Be happy.  If you’re not, be somewhere else.  Life is just too damn short otherwise.  Peace out.

Tina Gray says:

The forgwtting stuff…although I haven’t split from The Husband, he did spend a week away and I forgot to water the bonsais. They died.

Larissa says:

Mum just recently put me onto your website and told me how your words help her. I have just finished reading your site and could not understand how she could find comfort in your words. Every post is negative and so morbid. If I consantly wrote such negativity I think I would have topped myself by now. Surely there is something positive in your life, children, friends, family perhaps? Seems very one sided. Is this stuff real or just someone trying to write? Try something positive for a change, you never know, it may open your eyes up to the real world we live in.

Dan says:

Tash, once again you face the tough things in life with humor and wit.
@Larissa In case you didn’t notice, life sucks a lot of the time, and this blog to my reading finds a little humor in that. You probably haven’t added sunshine by piling on. Good job there sweetheart.

PJ MacGyver says:

Once again…I find a familiar humor to a situation shared by others. By the way….all these interesting facts work just as well for the man. Except, we forget things like…How to grocery shop(Ramon noodles and hamburgers just don’t cut it!)and how do our laundry(Why do you have to separate color clothes into 15 different piles?) And discover other things like…How nice it is to enjoy more then the same 6 inches of bed space when you go to sleep at night! Sarcasm with a dash of humor always helps. LOL

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